pretty tough week

Right, so I have written quite a lot and it suddenly "disappeared" so I'm writing this all over again.

I want to thank my GIT and GUT tutor block, namely dr. Christa and dr. Darwin, for their guide throughout these two blocks.

dr Darwin's PBL Class

Personally, these two blocks were a challenge. My circadian rhythm was not normal, sometimes I was able to study until late, but sometimes I was too tired that I slept the whole night and woke up just in time to prepare myself for class. Sometimes I wasn't very prepared for PBL class, hence wasn't really able to speak very much.

I admit that I wasn't able to study enough for GUT MCQ. Three nights before the exam week, which was Friday night, I had some trouble with my intestines. I felt severe pain in the abdomen area (it was unspecific, pain were in different areas during these three nights) and always at around 9 or 10pm. It got worse on Sunday night. The pain came four times, which was at 9, 1030, 12 and 1 pm. Monday morning, I decided to call dr. Darwin for diagnosis and for some drugs. He said that bacteria were trying to penetrate my intestinal mucosa but it failed, therefore I felt pain several times in three days. I was told not to eat high-fibered food, such as veggies, and had to eat porridge and food of the same sort, until I didn't feel any pain. I did feel better and was able to study, but still felt mild pain in the suprapubic area until Thursday night. Last night, I was very sleepy at 8pm so I head to bed at 830, so I don't really know whether it is still painful or not.

So two weeks ago, which was the week before exam, I was trying to study, but I wasn't really in the mood yet. My friend, though, recommended me to just start compiling my notes so that it will be easier for me to study during the weekend. And thank you, it did helped me and it did make me more enthusiastic to study :)

During those several days when I was feeling unwell, I was too focused to study GIT MCQ exam and I lacked studying for GUT MCQ. So here is a rough schedule of the weekend before exam week:

Friday night: GIT MCQ
Saturday: GUT MCQ + OSPE
Sunday: GIT + GUT
Monday: GIT + a bit of OSPE

So basically, I am quite satisfied with my GIT exam, but I’m quite unsure of how I did and I’m honestly quite nervous to wait for the results to be published. Based on my experience with the last three exams last semester (Musculoskeletal, Cardiology and Respirology), thought I did quite well in musculoskeletal, but turned out that it was just so-so. As with GUT exam, I admit was a bit messed up because I was still on my 65th problem 15 minutes before the time limit of the exam. I rushed through the last 15 questions, I kind of schemed through the question without thinking very carefully of the answer. I simply messed up. I’m not quite sure which questions I spend most of my time with.

One thing that I regret the most, I underestimated OSPE. Thought I will do great in OSPE, but turned out that it was just okay. The night before OSPE, I wasn’t in the mood to study. Forced myself to read parasite guide book, but with no luck. Then I decided to watch American Idol on StarWorld. About 10 minutes of watching TV, my friend texted me, saying that Upin Ipin is on TV. So then I switched channel although my youngest sister complained because she rather watch American Idol than Upin Ipin which was very “geje”. Throughout the hour, I switched the TV between American Idol and Upin Ipin. I laughed so hard watching Upin Ipin and probably the hardest laugh that I had since a few days due to exam stress and all that. I think watching Upin Ipin was kind of necessary to release the stress and pressure that I felt because of exams. I don’t know whether I should regret watching TV or not because I’m supposed to do well in histology questions, but I think I lost one or two points there. And pathology questions, think I’m just okay with it although I think I lost a few points as well there. Maybe I could’ve done better if I study rather than watching TV? But I did try to study and it didn’t work. So maybe it was necessary to have some entertainment for one hour or so? Because a moment after I finished watching TV, I was very sleepy that I decided to sleep and had my cell alarm at 12. As usual, I slept throughout the entire night and woke up to find that it was already 4.50 in the morning. I panicked, studied for OSPE for about half an hour or so, then prepared to depart to FK campus.

I think it’s quite enough about exams?

During the exam week, I did manage to write a composition. It wasn’t purely my words, but a compilation of lyrics from three songs that I have been listening to over and over again. It’s entitled “Greatest of All”, so here it is:


It's not the flowers, it's not the ring
There's nothing in all the world I need
To a brighter day in the sun

I've been down, now I'm blessed
In your arms, I found a strength inside me
You saved my heart from being broken apart
And in your eyes, there's a light to guide me

You're the answer when i prayed
All my dreams are in your eyes

You could give me wings to fly
And catch me if I fall
You gave your love away
And nothing will keep me away

I won't give up on this feeling
I know what's real cannot be denied
All I want is to hold you forever
'Cause your love is the greatest gift of all


Complication of lyrics from:
The Greatest Gift of All (Jim Brickman & Michelle Wright)
Inside Your Heaven (Carrie Underwood)
The Gift (Jim Brickman & Martina McBride)
I Still Believe (Hayden Panettiere)


So another new block is coming up (Endocrinology), another five more exams are coming up as well plus my grandparents’ 50th anniversary and after all these, summer holiday is coming! ^^

from deep there, it says..

I admit I've been lazy these last few days. Haven't finish searching my LOs but I'm fiddling with my cell and just staring forward and then upwards and then forward again, nothing important or at least useful to do. Among the last 5 days of univ, I spent 3 afternoons and nights to sleep for more than 8-10 hours (that's every night I mean), rather than using those valuable 8-10 hours to study. On Tuesday, I was able to study for about 1 hour I think, but I was soon very sleepy and headed to bed.

Last night can be marked as the climax. I slept for about 2.5 hours then luckily the alarm did wake me up. During the last week, not a single alarm from my handphone successfully wakes me up, imagine it! Every time I set the alarm in my hand phone, I always set it for every 10 minutes for half an hour. So if I want it to ring at 11pm, then I would set it at 11.00, 11.10, 11.20, and 11.30. But none of those alarms wake me up.

Last night, my friend did help to wake me up by phone (calling me). Maybe it was my fate not being woken up as I wanted coz my handphone was out of battery so it turned off. But then my dream woke me up (what a funny way to be woken up). It turned out that my friend did manage to call me, but then the line was off. Probably due to the empty battery.

Okay, so I did wake up, had my dinner but then I planned to take a short nap. However, didn't wake up at 8 as I planned, but at around 10 or 11pm. Yup, a short nap turned out to be a long one haha. I read about anemia for a while then was sleepy, once again, and headed to sleep. When I woke up, which was at about 3.30am, my head was kind of dizzy so I took one tablet of Paracetamol, hoping that my head would feel better when I wake up again. Unfortunately, it didn't when I wake up at 6am. Tried to sleep again and wake up at 9 to go to the doctor both to treat my headache and to ask for so-called "doctor's letter".

Speaking of doctors, after I met a few doctors in Siloam and the doctor that I went to this morning, for some "reasons", I agree that we should have "Doctors, Professionalism, Ethics and Society" class. As far as I can see, wearing a white coat and not wearing one does make someone, especially a doctor, to treat you. So I went to see a few doctors in Siloam not to get checked up on. They did "welcome" me, but they just didn't give the attention or give the gesture that they are listening to me. One doctor didn't make an eye contact –not even one- and another was on the phone and kept on being on the phone while I was talking. He did hang up towards the end of so-called "meeting", but still, he kept on the phone at first. I thought body language, eye contact and attention is important, as we have learned during Learning and Communication Skills class. Another doctor also was as if busy tidying up his/her desk while I was talking to them. I mean, you can tidy up your desk some other time; it doesn't have to be when I am in front of you, trying to talk to you. Another doctor was also on the phone with his/her maid, I think. I was trying not to distract him/her while he/she was on the phone, but then I had to talk bit by bit when he/she was waiting for response from the other side. However, I still respect the last doctor because he/she apologize that he/she wasn't able to spend some time to talk because he/she is quite busy then.

From all those meetings (experiences you can say), I wish, I really wish from the bottom of my heart…

That some day, the new generations of doctors (like my friends and I), really become better, way better doctor than doctors now.

I'm not talking only about how to diagnose and treat patient or only being innovative, but also create a better image of a doctor.

Just by giving our full attention not only to patients but also others by maintaining eye contact with the person we are talking to, not being on the phone while patient or someone else (anyone) is in front of us in our practice room, use courteous words when talking with anyone and that sort of things.

Oh by the way, I'd like to share this link: http://www.klikdokter.com/article/detail/150123

That link did open my eyes a little more to the "real world of doctors". And I really wish the future new generations of doctors will make a change, I really wish from deep down my heart.

By the way, sometimes I did feel that I'm not in the place I should be. Sometimes I wish I was in X while in the meantime I was in Y. Sometimes it's hard to just let it out, to express how you feel and what you want because maybe you are simply scared or afraid that things might go wrong and won't go back as it's used to, where you used to feel safe and comfortable while deep inside you are not. It is very very hard, I know, and it does take time. It does depends on your personality and temperament as well. You might choose to be comfortable outside and uncomfortable inside rather than "taking a risk" of losing all of it in just a snap.

All I want to say is, try being out of the box although "your box" might be the safest place you will ever be. Sometimes you have to let it as it is for some time, try to adapt, and if you think it's really not working for you, then you might go back to "your box", although as I have said, it's a risk.

make a change :)

Up until now, I still haven't figure out how I'm going to surprise my grandpa besides of sending him a birthday cake. Maybe I'll just stick to that plan, but I still hope I'm able to come up with a better and more "surprising" plan.

Last night I went to GI to attend six of my friend's birthday and it was short notice. Got the sms from a friend at about 3.30 pm and the invitation was dinner at 7. However, I'm grateful that I'm able to go because transportation is often a problem when my friends ask me out. Last night my youngest sister also met her friend at GI so both of my parents decided to go both to drive us and to look around.

Okay, so yesterday my dad mentioned about "solidarity". According to the dictionary in my cell, it says that solidarity is the uniting of interests, feelings or actions (of a group). Since he brought up that word, I thought about it for quite some time. Through my eyes, solidarity sometimes isn't maintained nowadays. I'm not trying to point out certain people, but it is visible wherever you are and whenever it is. When you think you've got it, keep it and try very hard to maintain it because it is very hard to get but easy to let go. The principle is similar to friendship. Well solidarity is actually one of the factors contributing to friendship, the foundation to be exact.

Friendship without solidarity won't stay long (at least that's what I think). Friendship without trust and loyalty won't stay long as well. It's sometimes complicated and for most of the time, problems in friendship strengthen the bond in between one to another, but sometimes it separates. As one quote says "there is a thin line between love and hate". It's true. One who hates someone else might fall in love with each other sometime later. On the other hand, when you think you've got "the one" you've been looking for but then you're separated for one or other reasons, the love you once had might turn to hatred. It does happen.

Speaking of which, family is the best every now and then. Experiences have proven it's majorly what you need until the end of time.

Family will always be there for you

Family will always have your back

Family will always give you the best that you need

Family will always be the first in "SOS"

Why?

Because..

Who was the first to see you being brought to this hectic world?

Who witness you grow from a tiny human being into what you are now?

Who is your only witness (besides God) of all your failure and success since you were born?

Who directly and indirectly contributed and sacrificed to make you as you are now since you were born?

I'm sure and I believe that the answer to the entire above question is:

FAMILY, especially your parents.

When you look deeper to each individual in this world, I'm sure most of them will put friends on top of family in most cases. If you compare friends and family, I'm sure it would be a never ending list and I'm sure that almost all the comparison will "shift" to family, although a quote said that "friendship is the greatest of all blessings".

When we were still young, our parents are often upset because of our actions and would often punish us. We were too young to understand that behind all those, they love us and care about us. They want us to be a better person, they want us to put "good image" of ourselves in others' eyes and above all, they want us to succeed.

I know this statement has been heard many and many times, but I bet some might not have realize it because they would still blame (and sometimes shout to) their parents every time something goes wrong.

Do they know or remember how their parents struggle to raise them?

Do they even care how their parents feel when their being shouted by their own child?

Although I'm not yet a parent, I do feel hurt every time I see a son or daughter does that to their parents, no matter where it is. I just feel that every child should honor, or at least respect, their parents sometime in their life.

It doesn't have to be a huge party, a huge amount of money (in bank cheque or similar), or a huge banner or billboard saying "I love you, Mom & Dad" to express a child's gratefulness to their parents.

A simple surprise birthday cake, excelling in school, greeting them "good morning" and "good night", spending time with them to chat or walk around the mall, waiting for them from work while watching TV and greeting them "Hi, Mom" or "Hi, Dad" on their arrival from work are a few examples of the simplest way a child may do just to make their parents happy. Maybe it's a bit awkward, but giving a "good bye" and "see you later in the afternoon" kiss to your parents before you go off to school or class might do a little "magic" for them that day. They won't expect you to do that, do they? Or you can text them some time during your free time in school or university, asking how's their day so far, how things are going in the office, or how their lunch and that sort of questions. Be creative :)

I did surprise my parents a couple of times and although I failed a few times, they said "it's alright, no need to be sad. I'm already thankful for this. I didn't expect a surprise."

So you see, simple things can make people happy :) Why not think about it for a while and try to see what you can do to make your parents happy. It doesn't have to be huge, as I have said before.

Speaking of surprises, have you ever count how many times you make a birthday surprise your friends and count how many times you surprised or at least "did something" to your parents on their special day?

And how many times have you taken a walk with your friends and how many you did with your family (or at least your parents)?

Remember that time is ticking and will continue to tick, and the time for your chances to make your parents happy is not as plenty if you compare the time with your friends….

trying to spill it out

I think I have a few things in my mind to spill out here, hopefully. I want to spill everything, but it seems that a few things are indescribable and some just don't fit here, I think.

Again and again, as I've said in the previous ones, 'a few things has been going on'. One of which is me sleeping 'a little bit' too long last Tuesday, Wednesday and last night. Darn, I wish I can use those time spent on sleeping to study instead. Well not really study, but just to read through my lecture notes, some internet-browsing (facebook and stuff), some entertainment (can't think of examples though). I mean, I can really use those hours rather than just S.L.E.E.P. Okay, fine, sometimes it's good to sleep, but sleeping more than 8 hours..? That's more than enough. What's more is it wasn't for only once, but rather three consecutive night. Oh my, I hope I won't spend that much time again to sleep tonight, hopefully, because those hours are quite useful to do other -more important- things :)

Okay, I've been quite struggling with sleep, faculty of medicine and one -a bit confidential- other thing. It seems that I've studied enough, but yet there are just things that I'm unable to follow in certain discussions, whether in PBL class or casual discussions with friends. Sometimes I feel I don't deserve to be a semester 4 student. I mean, if someone asks 'which semester are you in now?' '4th semester' and when I answer '4th semester', they will assume that I have a good grasp of the 'basics'. Well yes, I do understand, but the thing is, if you ask me about one or two questions regarding last semester's topic (musculoskeletal, cardiology, respiratory), I don't think I'm able to answer it *oops*.

 

There's this one thing that keeps me going on and on. This one thing that made me sure that this is where I want to be, what I want and the reason why I try my hardest to thrive Faculty of Medicine. This one thing that kept me on this track and not the other. Maybe I seem to exaggerate, but that is real, that is one of the major reason why I persist until now. Only He knows what I wish the most up until now and what I have dreamed of until now. I really wish it will happen and I know it will. Don't know what I am able to give in return and how, but all I know that some day I am able to pay it off :) and I deeply and sincerely thank you for it.

 

Okay, so in about two weeks time, I'm going to celebrate my grandpa's birthday. Well not actually celebrating with a party and all, but simply greet him a happy birthday and I'll probably send him a surprise cake (never have done that before, so I'd bet it'd be a surprise for him). Can't wait for it :) A friend of mine thought the idea of me visiting my grandpa and giving him the cake instead of only "sending" him the cake itself. I'm still thinking whether it's possible or not because I have PBL class the next morning at 7. So it's kind of risky to do it, keeping in mind that I'd be very tired when I get home due to the 3 to 4 hour trip besides the fact that I might not have finished searching my LOs. Well, just a few things to consider.

 

Next up is my grandparent's 50th anniversary. Well, I think I'll write about it later on ^^